Survivor's Journal Entry

January 4, 2010

The following is a journal entry from a survivor in the CT Challenge Community. Adapting plans and adapting spirits seems to be a central challenge for many if not all cancer survivors. There is no one right way to improve your ability to do this. In fact, there are probably an infinite number of coping mechanisms one might employ, and the effectiveness of each is associated with the distinct nature of the challenge being faced at any given moment. Take a moment to read one survivor's musings about planning, adapting, and hope.

FLAUTING IT – SURVIVING AND THRIVING

What is the time line? I go along every day with cancer as my chronic disease handling it well. Then something happens, a bad cough, an intestinal disturbance, a change in the CT scan, and my carefully built structure of challenges and goals, support, comfort and ease comes tumbling down. What is happening? How can I continue to carry on? I just want to lay my head on my pillow, close my eyes, turn my body on my right side in a fetal position and sleep a deep, healthy sleep. When there is such a change my days are filled with doctors; visits, tests and additional body care instead of exercise, yoga and tai chi. I look in the mirror. The image liking back at me is pretty much the same as before. How is my mind, my soul, my spirit? Are shadows and doubt entering and dancing with resident hope? Sometimes hope is knocked to the floor, breath knocked out.

But hope rises, strong, glowing brightly, lifting the body, making it free, making it smile, making it happy. The mind knows deep inside that everything will be fine. What is fine? It depends on the current situation, That situation is never something to be ashamed of. On the other hand, it is a badge of honor to be flaunted, the badge of surviving and thriving no matter the circumstances. It is fueled by that flame within that courses through my cells causing them to shout “you will be healed.”

I open the door and walk into the sunshine.

I embrace life and it embraces me.

I yearn for the touch of my loved ones.

Keep me safe and near.

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